Daniel's birth story

Throughout my pregnancy I have been trying to relax and not stress about impending birth. I have read many stories of child birth and watched Discovery Health channel numerous times. I really thought if I just relax and think positive I will have an easy and rewarding child birth. I have read lots of websites which give you advice on preparing your body for child birth and have taken supplements such as red raspberry tea (great for uterus), evening primrose oil (last few weeks of pregnancy to help with cervix dilation), plus other homoeopathic remedies etc. In the last two months of pregnancy I also started having pregnancy massages which were wonderful, near my due date had reflexology treatment, and also numerous acupuncture treatments all of these reputedly good for initiating labour.

With Daniel lying so low in my belly lots of people told me that I will have him earlier so I was preparing myself that he would be here maybe a week or two early (well, I hoped so).

As the DD approached (Daniel Day or Delivery Day) I had no idea what to look for and each midwife appointment I asked her to examine me and see if there is any dilation. Two weeks before, everything was tightly closed but she said that doesn't mean that I couldn't go into labour that same night. In my 40th week, I was only a fingertip with soft cervix… Anyway, to cut a long story short, I continued with treatments, relaxation, supplements, eating the right food (curries, lots of fresh pineapple etc.) I even tried castor oil and nothing worked.

So DD arrived (16th June) and no sign of Daniel not even a single contraction. The midwife decided at that point to book me in the hospital for induction as she said they do get very busy so at least I will have a date. The date being Friday, 25th June - this to someone who was expecting to deliver the baby on time or slightly earlier seemed like months away and it really was!

The days dragged, I was getting bigger, I massaged that belly to prevent stretch marks and was successful in that area that I didn't get any… Well, something worked !

Friday, 25th June arrived and Alan and I went for a nice lunch in a nearby hotel and were in the Princess Royal Maternity Hospital at 1pm for what I thought was a prenatal assessment. I thought they would examine me, put some gel if no dilation and I would go home. When we arrived there we were shown to my bed and told to change into a nightdress. At this point I said I had no nightdress and no hospital bag as I didn't think I would be staying. We were told that a tablet would be put to start dilation and that I would have to stay in as I would need to be monitored.

Here is a picture of me when we arrived in the hospital (last pregnancy bump photo):

We were there for a couple of hours before the tablet was put in and a couple of hours later some mild contractions started which gradually became stronger and stronger. Alan went home to get my bag and I stayed in bed watching TV. We were also told that labour ward was extremely busy so it was likely that I would be there until Saturday. After a while the pain got more uncomfortable and I was given a couple of painkillers which did absolutely nothing for me. While this was going on there were various women in the ward with me and it was hard watching them go into labour while I just had to stay in there.

About 9pm Alan left and I tried to snooze but it was very difficult. I was given some more painkillers and something to make me sleep but unsuccessfully. Finally about 2am I decided to ask for some more pain relief. The midwife came and said she would examine me and she told me I was 2 cm dilated and would not need another tablet… Can you imagine how happy that made me feel? I thought surely I will have my baby tomorrow… She then gave me an injection of diamorphine which worked great and I had some sleep.

Woke up the next day and was told that the labour ward was extremely busy and I had to wait further. Also was then told I wasn't in real labour yet was you had to be more than 3 cm dilated and I would also need to be put on a drip to encourage stronger contractions and be constantly monitored so I just had to wait until I was on labour ward for more progress. This was (bad) news to me. I thought I would be going into natural labour with the help of the tablet. Yes, they said I was experiencing contractions (more painful than normal) but not enough to kick start real labour. Well, that really upset me and I cried with Alan I was so disappointed. I really thought I would still be able to have the natural birth I wanted i.e. minimal intervention with lots of massages, water etc. But it was not meant to be…

The contractions went on all day Saturday and Alan was great, we sat and talked and watched TV, went for a walk up and down stairs thinking this might kick start things off, had ice cream together. I was getting really down watching everyone else but me go into labour ward and was told several times that it was my turn unless other girls were more ahead than me. So I was getting more and more upset and my contractions were getting more and more painful and I could only receive a limited number of injections. That Saturday evening Alan went home and I got my last injection of diamorphine about 10pm and it made no difference. I laid in the bed, tossing and turning and in pain. Eventually I went to see the midwife and was told that I can't get anything else and that I'm next and hopefully I will be soon on the labour ward. Finally an hour later I was moaning so much in bed they came and said I would be going onto labour ward and that I should get Alan. Well, he must have been fast asleep as it took over ten minutes before he answered his phone.

Alan arrived shortly before 2am Sunday morning and the midwife from labour ward came to get me. At this stage I could hardly walk from pain. We arrived in the labour room and she asked me if I wanted some gas and air. I did but it didn't do much for me. I sucked on that for a while but then said what else can I have as it didn't work plus she said my contractions will really get under way when she gets the drip going. At this stage I asked for epidural. The anaesthetist came and set it all up and it didn't really hurt that much and I was more worried about moving in pain and damaging my back. The relief from epidural was great after that. I was so tired by this stage that I just lied back on that uncomfortable hard bed and felt like a slab of meat waiting for something to happen. The drip was then put in my arm and my blood pressure was constantly being monitored, they put a catheter (no dignity in labour!) and my waters were broken (that didn't hurt at all and the gush of all that warm water was quite pleasant!) and all I could do was close my eyes and hope that I would have Daniel very soon. The doctor came about 5am to examine me and she said I was 3cm and she would be back later to check on me. All the time Alan had his big comfortable arm chair and he slept (quite well I think)… At about 11am a bunch of people came in - I think there were four probably consultant and doctor and who knows who else and I was examined and still 3cm and was told to increase the drip to maximum. I remember I had a different midwife and she told them I was contracting at a maximum rate … It felt like I was going to be in labour FOREVER… The doctor then said she would be back in four hours and will examine me then. The day just dragged on and on and I felt so drained, drugged and uncomfortable. I also had to have epidural topped up as I started to feel the pain on the right hand side. I am not exaggerating but four hours felt like four days and the doctor was late as she had to assist with another delivery. Finally at about 4pm (I think - everything at this stage is a bit of a blur now) the doctor arrives and I am examined and she tells me I'm still only 3cm. I couldn't believe it. She said that I have been in labour for far too long and with maximum contractions and no progress this will start to endanger the baby so she is going to suggest I have a c section. I felt a bit tearful then but relieved. I also said to her, when will the section happen as I thought maybe they will make me go through another night of waiting but she said she will get everything ready now.

So that's how I ended up having an emergency c section… Suddenly all these people came, I was shaved down there (that surprised me) and my toe nail colour had to be removed and was wheeled into a theatre and what was a bit scary was how many people were involved and how quickly things were progressing. I was also told I will feel a bit of pressure when they cut through me and I said what will that feel like and they said like being at the dentist you feel the pressure, pulling etc. but no real pain. That made me nervous. Then Alan came in his green hospital gear with his green hat and he sat next to me and then they started. The feeling of being ripped open, actually it felt they were using a knife not scalpel to open me. This went on for a while before they said they are getting the head out and I felt a lot of pulling, tugging before we heard Daniel cry. It was quite emotional but the worst thing is that they take the baby away so you don't see him and then he was wrapped and brought to Alan and he was just so cute and wide awake. He had his blue eyes open and he was staring at us and Alan was kissing him and at this point I don't really remember how long it took them to put me back but it didn't seem to matter as Daniel was with us. After they finished they put him next to me and we were in the recovery room and he was put on my breast and he knew he could suck and it was wonderful. I couldn't believe he was finally here…

Even though my birth was a long and quite unpleasant (understatement), I would do this again tomorrow to have Daniel. He is worth every pain and contraction and I just adore my little boy.

My pregnancy diary (pregnant with Daniel)

Mummy's Pregnancy Diary

11 Oct 03 (4w+3 days)

Can't believe it, been feeling strange, tested and got BIG FAT POSITIVE on the home pregnancy test. Alan can't believe it either. Walking on cloud nine... keep thinking that it just seems so unreal.

Two first weeks, not many symptoms at all - am I really pregnant? Around end of October (6 weeks since LMP) got all day and night nausea... Not very pleasant but reassuring so I must be pregnant!

3 Nov 03 (7w+5 days)

Arranged a private scan at Nuffield Hospital - just wanted to make sure all is OK and that really we are having a baby. First few seconds I couldn't see much then the consultant said, look there is a heartbeat and I just started crying... I couldn't believe there was a baby in there and the heart was beating very fast (around 160 BPM)... The little one only measured 1.1 cm which is tiny .

6 Nov 03 (8w+1 days)

First midwife appointment. Have a great midwife, spent an hour chatting about everything. She arranged for a free NHS scan when I'll be 10 weeks 2 days. She took buckets of blood (for all sort of diseases and immunity). Still feeling very sicky, haven't been going out - becoming a home body...

21 Nov 03 (10w+2 days)

Free NHS scan at Princess Royal in Glasgow. Was extremely nervous but could see baby straight away and heard its heart beat. It was incredible when we saw baby's little legs and arms - baby is lying on his/hers back and kicking its legs and arms. It was so cute! I had a little cry - I couldn't help myself.

Since about 11 weeks have started to feel much better, I still feel sicky in the evenings after work but could start to eat normal food. Could not eat meat and was worried about becoming a vegetarian. Also could not go shopping in the supermarket all food looked so gross and off putting and everything stank (including poor Alan)...

12 Dec 03 (13w + 2 days)

My official 3rd month 'dating' scan finally arrives... We haven't told people about this pregnancy as we wanted to make sure all is well... The scan was just wonderful - the baby looked so big in comparison to the last scan. The baby measures just 7.6 cm but it just looks so big to us. It was so active - its whole body was moving and everything looked just great. Called my Mum in Zagreb and she is incredibly excited about becoming a grandma (her first grand child)... Decided to do a little website to let all my friends know our good news... Decided to do a pregnancy diary to share my experience... Next appointment is 29th December with my midwife when she will take more blood (oh no, why do they keep taking all my blood?) to do the triple test which measures risk of downs for the baby. No more scans allowed on NHS so will probably do a private scan at 20 weeks. Feel great now that the news is out and everyone knows!

20 Dec 03 (14w + 3 days)

Another week gone - can't believe I'm 14.5 weeks now.. Time has started to pass more quickly. Had a really busy week at work... Pregnancy feelings - well I have started to feel so normal now... I'm going through one of those 'no mans land' stages - the sickness is gone (thank god) but no movements (not until 18 - 22 weeks apparently) and although my tummy is sticking out a bit it's mainly bloating and gas (I think). Can't wait to feel the baby move to make it more real. I weighed myself this morning and I'm 60 kg - so I haven't really put on too much weight - I'm sure I was 59 before I got pregnant... But I do feel a little big fatter - probably due to lack of exercise... Must start swimming or something... Yeah right (that's what Alan says)...

Christmas is nearly here - we have decorated our Christmas tree and this is our last Christmas on our own - it's going to be different next year. I still can't quite imagine what it will feel like having a baby around us... So used to be being on own own and doing our own thing...

The vet just phoned to say our cat - Maja - had won a prize in a Christmas draw a cat stocking with all the treats...

25 Dec 03 (15w + 1 days)

It's Christmas... Alan and I opened presents and I got lots and lots of presents even my bump bought me a top ! Maja got my furry slippers! I got two DVD collections of Friends to watch over the festive season. I also got from Alan a lovely white gold necklace with a diamond which I'm wearing today! We are just going to get ready and visit the in-laws for Christmas lunch. Had big breakfast and my bump looks huge! I'm not eating for two, I promise! Having a great Christmas everyone!!!

29 Dec 03 (15 w + 5 days)

Midwife appointment - had a triple blood test to identify the risk of Downs and Spina Bifoda as well as blood group (as they lost my previous tests). We also heard the baby's heartbeat - the midwife found it straight away and she also measured my uterus which measures just right it's half way between pubic bone and belly button - apparently the size of a large grapefruit. She also said that I should start to feel baby flutters in the next two weeks. I can't wait as I don't feel very pregnant now - I feel great.

12 Jan 04 (17w + 5days)

Did a silly prediction thing on the Internet and it says I will be having a girl - I have copied and pasted it here to see if it comes true: "The day you deliver, outside will be windy. Your baby will arrive in the early evening. After a labor lasting approximately 10 hours, your child, a girl, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 6 pounds, 11 ounces, and will be 18-1/2 inches long. This child will have dark brown eyes and be completely bald. " Sounds like Alan then but with my eyes!

27 Jan 04 (20 weeks!)

We listened to the baby's heartbeat - I still don't feel the baby move and I needed a reassurance so I hired a Doppler from Baby Beats (www.baby-beats.co.uk) and Alan found it almost straight away. He thinks the baby's heart beats 126 beats per minute... It was so nice being able to hear the baby even though I still can't feel it. I think it won't be long before I feel the baby... Can't wait...

The last week has been amazing. Finally I have started to feel very light movements inside me. There are sometimes light lapping motions or lots of bubbling going on... It's so exciting. Then yesterday had a 20 week detailed scan. It was incredible seeing our baby move on the screen. We also found out that the baby is a boy... And everything looks normal. I am half way through the pregnancy and I feel great now. We can't wait to meet our son - it feels incredible just writing about this now. We are soooo happy !

15 Feb 04 (22w+4days)

An update is due. Well, pregnancy continues well... We got back from Barbados on 10th February, we went there for ten days (our last holiday on our own - before we become 3 !). The holiday was great, I feel that the baby enjoyed it too. It was sunny and warm and although the waves were quite big - I managed to swim a bit (or bob up and down a bit). The baby is called Bob - at the moment - but this is not his real name. His name will be a secret! Only to be told when he is born... Feel light movements no strong kicks yet. Slept so well in Barbados - it was great. I posted a couple of happy pictures of me - look how different I look. Much better and as I'm not wearing much, you can see the size of my bump!!! I got back and had to buy some more work clothes as nothing fits me - ended up buying size 16 in Marks & Spencer! How big will I get?!? I weighted myself and I have gained 6 kg already. Oh my god, I'm becoming a whale...
10 March 04 (26 weeks)

My baby weighs more than 2 lbs (1000g), measures 9.6 inches from crown to rump (24cm) and its total length is about 15.3 inches (34cm). If my baby was born now, he would have about an 85% chance of surviving. Foetus length: 23cm crown to rump (31cm or 12 inches head to toe). Weight: about 800g or 1 lb 12 oz.

24 March 04 (28 weeks)

Home stretch -- two trimesters down, one more to go. Our son is growing steadily as he prepares for delivery day. He will gain weight rapidly over the next weeks and, as the size of my bump increases, I am feeling more breathless and tired. Our baby's acting more like a newborn now, too. He opens and closes his eyes, sleeps and wakes at regular intervals, and may suck a finger or thumb. Foetus length: 25cm crown to rump (33cm or almost 13 inches head to toe). Weight: about 1000g.

I feel massive now - also my tummy constantly aches when lying in bed and changing from side to side. I feel more tired as well...

22 April 04 (32 weeks + 1 day)

Well, I haven't written anything in ages. As you can see, my bump is steadily growing. The kicks are still not painful, what happens is that the baby likes to lean on my tummy so it makes it go hard in places and the tummy also goes up. My hips have started to ache in bed and sleeping on my sides is getting very uncomfortable. I can't complain really - I don't feel too bad... But I can't believe how big I'm getting. And still about seven weeks to go. I have a midwife appointment tomorrow. Nothing much to report really - been working as usual. Have just about three weeks of work left (my last day being 14th May). Neil Fraser (Charles River consultant) has just had his baby girl Zara and I felt jealous that his baby is here. I know I have to be patient and our baby will be here soon. We have also started work on the nursery. It used to be Alan's office but we have moved everything upstairs and the painter has just finished the decoration. We have picked Barnaby Bear theme for our nursery and I think it's going to be lovely. Will post pictures of nursery. The colours are creamy colours with brown bears so quite a neutral theme. The nursery furniture is being delivered in a week's time. The carpets are being laid next week too... I have bought nearly everything that is on my essential's list. Still a few minor things to buy and of course I still haven't packed my hospital bag. Alan thinks it's too early anyway and I think I'd rather be ready early. I have ordered my birth ball so that I can start sitting on it every night and get ready into optimal position for birth. I wonder if the baby will arrive early or will he be late? Any guesses, anyone?

29 April 04 (33 weeks + 1 day)

Well, I feel really huge today. I ate a lot of fruit for breakfast and lunch and also had a nice vegetable soup and feel a bit bloated now. I'm trying to eat healthy but I also noticed that I'm more hungry and so I try to fill up on fruit rather than carbs. I feel I'm really growing now - the bump seems to be really expanding. I know the baby is now putting on a lot of weight in preparation for birth. Alan seems to be really stressed at work and he is making me stressed when I get home. There were a few business problems , people not paying him, things going wrong and I think he is worried about being the main earner and so he is worried that we won't be able to do very well financially. I think he is being silly. I know babies cost a lot of money but I didn't think that they cost that much. We'll just have to be a bit more careful and I must admit I have been spending a bit lately, trying to sort out the house, buying for the nursery etc. I wish he wouldn't stress as he is just making me worry too. I don't want to go back to work until January next year. I will be able to do a bit of work at home but it won't be paying much.

I'm not sleeping that well either. My hips ache, I get up in the middle of night to go to the loo and then I can't fall asleep - last night I think I spent two hours reading as I just couldn't sleep. I am looking forward to finishing in two weeks time as I'll have some naps in the afternoon. I usually get an energy dip about this time.

I'm starting to panic about having the baby, how will I cope, what sort of mother I will be... I think it's only just started to sink in a bit that it will happen very soon. I'm sure everyone goes through the same thing with the first child. I just keep thinking what a life changing experience it is... my life will never be the same again... so I'm going through this doubting phase although I am really looking forward to meeting our boy too...

Friday, 7th May 2004 (34 weeks + 2 days)

Let me just start by saying that I'm looking absolutely huge!

You can see a proper bump picture on the bump pages. How much bigger am I going to get? It seems I have really grown in the last week. My bump feels heavy and it also seems lower. The baby might be dropping in preparation for birth (hopefully a SWIFT exit). I only have a week left of work. Jamie, Nigel, John and myself went to Hard Rock Cafe in Edinburgh and had huge burgers. Then Alan decided to do a bbq at home as it was nice and warm (and sunny !) so the pictures taken today were in the garden while Alan was cooking the BBQ. Started to get really tired and getting up to go to work at 6:30 in the morning is getting harder and harder. I'll be very happy next Friday (14th May) as it will be the start of my 'maternity' leave! Little baby is moving and I can see waves across my tummy. He still rolls from left to right a lot so there must still be some space. I cannot see how he can move as my tummy feels so firm, there is no give... It's Friday night, so I will now put my feet up and relax. Hope to write more in my diary later!

12 May 2004 (35+1)

We had our first class at the hospital last night and I must admit I was a bit disappointed. The information they gave me is what I know already (how to recognise start of labour, what pain relief options we have) etc. Alan found it boring too... The only good thing was the tour of the birthing unit and they showed us birthing rooms, birthing pool and also the after birth rooms some are shared (4 to 6 people) and there are a few single rooms but you are not guaranteed to get them. I did put in my birth plan a preference for a private room but I doubt I will get in. Oh and we got shown a newborn baby girl, she was so cute I couldn't believe it. My eyes just filled with tears I nearly started crying and then it hit me that I'm going to be holding my own baby soon. I got so emotional last night... I imagine I will cry buckets when I have him - I just know I will - I really can't believe I'm carrying something so special inside me.

17 May 2004 (35+5)

Just back from my regular midwife appointment. Went OK, took more bloods, I gave her step B samples (I had to take these this morning - so hope I have managed to do this correctly), urine OK, baby at the brim of the pelvis (does this mean he is about to engage? I forgot to ask...) lying head down in OA position which I believe is OK. Next appointment on 28th May - god I can't believe how close I am. My bump now feels so low and heavy. I asked her if he was big and she said that he is a good size and he is not going to be a small baby! She couldn't tell me any more - what is a good size baby???

I still haven't packed my hospital bag! Midwife said pack it now !

19 May 2004 (36 weeks)

Well, I had my acupuncture appointment and also aromatherapy massage at Neal's Yard Remedies. It was great - I went into town at 12:30 did shopping and had acupuncture at 2:30 for 20 minutes and then back massage. Acupuncture made me feel really energetic - I didn't feel tired at all - it really works. Plus she said that having acupuncture in the last month of pregnancy makes sure the baby is in the optimal position and really gets your body ready for labour - it should actually help me have easier labour and it is unlikely that I would go overdue. I've booked reflexology treatment for next week which again is good for getting your body ready for labour! The only problem, of course, is expense, it's quite costly but I think it really is worth it...

We had our second and final antenatal appointment at the hospital. The main focus was on birth positions and relaxation techniques. It was more useful than the first session last week - I will definetely try and not lie down when in labour and keep changing positions and be active! Well, I can hope for an easy and speedy delivery, can't I...

I need to pack my labour bag - I've been putting it off for so long and I think it's time to do it.

Can't believe I'm so close to having our baby - it still doesn't feel real!!!

23 May 2004 (36+4)

My hips feel really sore and also feels like he is going lower and I'm getting uncomfortable down there. Has he engaged? I have no idea what I'm supposed to be feeling but it does feel like something has slightly changed - maybe his position? I don't feel many kicks mainly feel that he stretches and still sometimes rolls. Sometimes I will feel little bumps on both sides right and left of the belly button - is this his feet? If so, would they be so far apart or is it one foot and the other is his bum? I have no idea. Still don't see his body parts - some people have said you should see a foot or a hand. I don't think hand is possible as he is definitely head down - sometimes I feel what could be his little fingers but I don't get big movements 'down there'. Feel a little bit uncomfortable today - but still no contractions! I have added a due date poll to the website - sometimes it feels like he might be here soon but other times I feel that he might stay beyond his due date... What do you think???

31 May 2004 (37+5)

Last week was a very busy week. Lets see if I can remember it... Last Tuesday (25th May) Alan and I visited Riverside Nursery to see if we liked the nursery as we want to reserve a place for next January . Even though I don't yet know if I will go back to work or not it is a good idea to book a nursery for him. I thought it was OK although I preferred a Kidsplay nursery which seems to be better for babies. After that I went into town shopping and had reflexology treatment and then had my hair done. Alan's Dad and Jackie were getting married on 26th May in Perth. It was a lovely wedding.

Woke up at night after the wedding feeling very ill, was so sick I thought I was going into labour as this was accompanied with lower back pain. It was a stomach bug and the baby is fine. I was very worried. Last Friday had a midwife appointment and the baby is 4/5s engaged, head down and ready to come any day now. Everything else seems pretty normal and she will do a membrane sweep on Friday to potentially start things off. I'm getting all excited. Last night had a lot of period type cramps, also felt very hot... My left hip is in absolute agony and have spent three hours just reading my book. Yes, those last few days of 'freedom' and I can't sleep! Alan is playing golf with his dad in Perth today and Carol is here today hanging curtains in the bedroom, lounge and nursery. I can't wait to have the baby now but I'm still very very nervous!

3 June 2004 (38 + 1)

Nearly there I hope! Started to do all those labour inducing 'natural' things to get the baby out! Had acupuncture yesterday as well as 1/2 hour aromatherapy massage, ate fresh pineapple, had curry on Monday night (did nothing for me), Alan had to do the the dreaded 'deed' (all for medical reasons of course) and still nothing. Some mild period type pains at night but nothing that would suggest birth is round the corner. Even my nesting instinct has disappeared and I'm just reading books and being lazy. I have a midwife appointment tomorrow morning and she will do the 'sweep' and I'm a little bit anxious - will it hurt and most importantly will it work???

Just got back from Orchid Lane where we had some Chinese food with Harry, Sam, Karen, Maeve (from New York). I've updated the bump page with the latest picture of Alan and me. But here is what it looks like up close and personal - those with nervous disposition please look away now (my God, aren't I massive!!!).

4 June 2004 (38+2)

I had my midwife appointment this morning and she was going to do a membrane sweep and I am so disappointed. She did an internal and the cervix is long and closed and the baby is posterior. I'm 3/5s engaged. So no sweep for me and I feel really fed up. I've been so careful to do things to encourage him to go in the right position (never lean back, always sleep on my sides, sit on the birth ball for hours, keep active etc.) and now he is posterior - he was anterior last week. I think I'm going to be scrubbing my kitchen floor on all fours today.

He had dropped ages ago and everyone I know kept saying that he would be here very soon - midwife last week said he could be here any day but now that I've had an internal things are not looking that great. I've just been crying and feel so depressed and hormonal.

9 June 2004 (39 weeks)

A week to go until the baby's due date. I'm really hoping he will be here sooner than that. Still have moments when I'm really desperate to have him but I know I will also have a moment of utter panic when I go into labour.

It's our third wedding anniversary today! We are going to Rococo Restaurant in Glasgow to celebrate. Obviously I don't want him to come out today (tonight) and I don't think he will anyway. Obviously, I'm still hoping that by saying this I will get the opposite!!! Can't believe we've been married for 3 years already and now we are expecting our first baby. June anniversary and June baby...

9 June 2001 (Culcreuch Castle, Fintry, Scotland)

11 June 2004 (39+2)

I've had my midwife appointment this morning. Still no dilation but the cervix is now soft although still posterior. I guess some progress since last week but still no baby.

It doesn't look like he will be here just yet unless things change drastically soon. I'm not sure how likely that is... Feeling a bit discouraged. I really don't know what else I can do to get him to come out - I know he will be out when he is ready - I just want him out sooner rather than later. If you are reading this diary, please send some labour vibes my way... I need them. And baby, if you are listening, please come out soon!!!

14 June (39+5)

Only 1.5 days left until he's due (almost counting hours now)... I really hope he is a good boy and arrives on time!!! If only hey! Well, I have to hope that he might. I'm going to take some castor oil tonight - that sometimes gets things moving and a friend of mine took it and she went into labour the next day - she was also due the next day so it could be just the baby's due date. Well, I've read enough that it says it's OK to take when you are at term and he just needs a little encouragement.

I spoke to my Mum yesterday and she says that he'll be here on Thursday... Hope she is right...

I've been having some stomach cramps but nothing much otherwise. I have to keep thinking positive now - I'm nearly there and he can't stay inside forever... I'm getting a bit more excited now... I've got some chocolate and I'm going to spend all afternoon relaxing on the couch it could be one of the last days on my own!!! Alan is busy working still but hope he takes some time off when the baby arrives - it will be difficult to take paternity leave as he runs his own company so he'll just have to take some time off when he can... C'mon baby time to come out now !!!

17 June (40+1)

Yep, I'm official overdue now. Nothing much to report from my end apart from feeling totally fed up and bored with being pregnant. I want him to come out and I want him NOW. Well, I don't have any more symptoms or feelings as to when he is coming out. I woke up at 5am this morning and just started crying as I felt just heavy and big but not in labour. Being patient is not my strong point and it's easy to say that the baby will be here soon and that it won't be long when you feel like me... It doesn't help that people have started to call asking me if I've had the baby yet... Rant over - if you have any suggestions how to get him to come out please e-mail me vanja@datadesk.it and I'll try it. Midwife appointment in the morning, hope she can do the sweep and bring on the labour... Labour vibes desperately needed now...

21 June (40+5)

I thought I better post something here in case you think I may be having my baby. I WISH !!!

I took some castor oil on Saturday and had some cramps and pains on Saturday night and really thought that was that as the pains were coming very quickly but then after I don't know how long I managed to fall asleep and the pains went away and I woke up feeling FINE !!!!!! Damn, I was mad!

Slept fine last night and not a single cramp or anything. I am going crazy here.

And I think I must have tried everything that anyone has suggested. I am going to ring the hospital and see if they can try and strip my membranes again on Wednesday as I really want to get into labour naturally. I really don't fancy an induction on Saturday. I just hope I am more dilated than a fingertip that was on Friday.

And the baby is definitely a cancerean child - he really likes his home (his shell...)

24 June (41+1)

Well, had my midwife appointment yesterday and there wasn't much progress still only fingertip dilated. But I did get a little bit of spotting and some snotty type stuff came out (sorry TMI) and was a bit crampy. Which made me feel all positive and optimistic I thought surely I'll go into labour now... Well, of course it's gone and I still don't have any contractions so I'm not holding much hope that he will be here naturally. I go for an induction assessment tomorrow and if I'm not dilated to 3cm they will put some gel then I have to go back to hospital on Saturday to be induced. This is my biggest fear and my biggest disappointment that I won't have the birth I want - I wanted to have it in the birthing unit in the water, with minimal interventions and now I will have to do it on the main labour ward with all the monitoring and drugs and interventions that go with it. I was so disappointed I ended up crying all afternoon yesterday. It doesn't take much to get me all tearful - I'm finding it really hard to cope at the moment.

I'm still hoping I'll go into labour naturally... If not, he will be here on Saturday or on Sunday at the latest !!!

Daniel Mladen Coffey born by emergency section on Sunday, 27th June 2004... Read my birth story !